Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
