Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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