Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
