He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
