i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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