So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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