At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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