goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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