I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
