oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
