every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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