if only i could text you this smell
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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