Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
