Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
