Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
