note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
