Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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