she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
