i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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