D3 body, D1 cock
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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