Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
