The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
