Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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