i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i will never coherently bang her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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