He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
