Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
