Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
