That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
