I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
