we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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