I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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