How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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