No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's like iHOP with fire
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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