Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
