ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
my liver is dry heaving
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