we have officially mastered the walk of shame
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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