Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
