Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
