Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
