i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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