Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
