in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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