So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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