May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
