So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
