I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
