I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
