party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
