you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Green mimosas i think yes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
