I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
