I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
