I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
