wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
