I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
